


Broken Beautiful

by esmehoe



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Beautiful Golden Fools, Child Death, F/M, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:55:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24322384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esmehoe/pseuds/esmehoe
Summary: Jaime reflects on the deaths of his children.
Relationships: Cersei Lannister/Jaime Lannister
Comments: 6
Kudos: 36





	Broken Beautiful

He remembered when Cersei lost her first baby. He remembered her months of isolation that followed. It broke a part of her that never fully healed. The youthful way she’d laugh with him so freely and dance around her chambers with him when no one was looking. It broke the last shred of innocence that she’d locked away within herself. 

He remembered when Joffrey died. He remembered the wails of his sister as she held their dying boy in her arms. The choking and the wide fearful eyes that forced Jaime to remember that Joffrey too had been an innocent once. He remembered Cersei’s frantic pleas for someone to help her son. Those pleas that had reminded Jaime that the queen was still a woman who could bleed just like the rest of them. That had broken a part of her too. A bigger more significant part of who Cersei Lannister was. The light in her eyes dulled that day and never fully returned. 

He remembered when Myrcella died. He remembered the feeling of her arms wrapped around him with her head tucked beneath his own. He remembered her soft hair tickling his chin as he hugged her as a father for the first time. He remembered the moment she smiled for the last time, and how her eyes flooded with fear. He remembered her collapsing in his embraceand the life draining from her body. He remembered picking up her limp corpse; still warm, and placing her beneath a sheet. He remembered contemplating how he’d tell Cersei; the mother of their children, that he failed her. That once again her baby had died. 

He remembered when Tommen died. He remembered walking into the throne room, watching his sister be crowned as queen of the Seven Kingdoms. He remembered watching her numb expression as she walked to her throne. He remembered watching his sister finally get what she’d always wanted, what she deserved, with nothing but dead children to thank for it. He remembered the silence of their youngest boys death. Their gentle little boy had broken a part of Cersei so large that Jaime couldn’t recognize the woman sitting on her throne. 

He remembered Cersei’s resistance to accept her new reality. She had lost, the prophecy had won, and now she was a mother with no children to show for it. 

He remembered this bruised and broken version of his heart float through her days. 

He remembered the hunger form in her eyes, a new hunger. No longer rooted in the protection of her children, but for protecting herself from anyone who dare try to break another part of her. 

He remembered the countless vows he’d made to protect her. He remembered each time he failed. 

He looked upon this fractured woman, her broken edges piercing and sharp. He looked upon her and wondered how such a broken creature could still be so beautiful, so resilient, so impermeable. 

He decided then that perhaps he’d never know. Perhaps she wasn’t his to understand. Perhaps all he could do was wonder how he became lucky enough to be chosen by her. Chosen to protect and love to the best of his ability. 

He accepted that he couldn’t fix her. She wasn’t his to fix, her broken edges were hers to own and hold. He accepted that all he could do was love. Love her enough to dull the ache their children had left deep inside her where they once lived. Love her enough to protect her from her sharp edges. Love her enough so that one day, he could hold her like he used to, hold her without the risk of bleeding. 


End file.
